I looked at my own cervix.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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