Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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