I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
