i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
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tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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