the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
