maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
