You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
sex in a hospital.. check
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
