I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
