p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize