Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
