Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
