I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
