I only kidnapped one of them. chill
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
