if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
