nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize