Kiss
Puke
Welp...herpes.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
