final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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