As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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