It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
