Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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