Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
