My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
