I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
