he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
