how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
