I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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