who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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