Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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