i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
