I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
