Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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