its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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