When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize