I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
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marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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