I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
