i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
