God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.