walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
