All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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