Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize