just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You were trust falling into bushes
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
