I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
