too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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