he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The power of my boobs compel you
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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