he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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