I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
