I wanna passion pit in your ass
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
