dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
