wakey wakey hands off snakey
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
