You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
