At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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