the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
