Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm both gender and math confused
Please don't give away my fajitas
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
