____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize