i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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