I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
