i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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