I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
