that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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