That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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